I bought mace and suddenly, all the males in my life became self defense experts.

“Why didn’t you get the gel instead of the spray? Don’t spray the shit into the wind. You’re going to hurt yourself.”
“Show me the kind you got, you probably got the wrong kind.”

OF COURSE I’M GOING TO HURT MYSELF

I BOUGHT BEAR MACE

They should probably be a little nicer with their advice now that I am armed. And a ticking time bomb, as it is time for my third annual mental breakdown.

I’ll teach you everything you need to know

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I'm Rosemary's baby.

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